


The Great Turkey Debacle

by fflewddur_feanorion



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Celegorm breaks the law, Ducks!!, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Mae Is Trying, Many things go wrong herein, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27721267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fflewddur_feanorion/pseuds/fflewddur_feanorion
Summary: What do you do when the turkey disappears and dinner is in two hours? Call Celegorm, of course. How much can this plan go wrong? Maglor and Maedhros are about to find out.Thanksgiving with the Feanorions.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	The Great Turkey Debacle

The turkey was gone.

Maglor had looked all over-- in the fridge, the freezer, the pantry, the car, and even in Huan's bowl. There was no denying it. The turkey was gone.

"Mae!" Maglor yelled. "You're not gonna believe this!"

Maedhros poked his head into the kitchen. "Is anything on fire? Did anyone get hurt? Oh, shit, is anyone  _ missing _ ?" He was already starting to panic. "The Ambarussa are so young, they don't know not to talk to strangers--"

Maglor shook his head. "No, no, and… sort of. Look."

Maedhros surveyed the fridge. "No turkey."

"No turkey," Maglor agreed. "Mom and Dad are coming over in two hours. What do we  _ do _ ?"

Maedhros shrugged. "Buy another turkey?"

"Nah, it'd be frozen, and there's no time to let it thaw."

"Also, we're mostly broke," Maedhros agreed. "But everyone's coming over, so we need some kind of bird… oh!" He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. "I have a horrible plan, and you're going to hate it."

"Oh, no," said Maglor, and slumped into a chair. 

"Sorry." To his credit, Maedhros looked slightly apologetic. "Hey, Celegorm? Do you still have a hunting license?"

Celegorm did not have a hunting license. He did, however, have a gun and a healthy disregard for the law.

Soon, he also had two freshly killed ducks lying in Aredhel's backseat.

"Your family is insane," Aredhel said, and grinned. "If you get caught, I had nothing to do with this, 'kay?"

"Doesn't matter. Won't get caught." Celegorm glanced over his shoulder, then turned very pale. "Oh. Um, hypothetically, how fast can this car drive?"

Caranthir and Curufin were baking a pie. Theoretically. In reality, Caranthir was  _ trying _ to bake a pie, while Curufin offered numerous suggestions and criticisms.

"You should roll the crust out thinner."

Caranthir rolled his eyes. "If I do, you'll say it's too thin. Again. And then you'll make me start over. Again."

"I am only trying to  _ help _ ," Curufin sniffed. "Oh, and you should probably check on the…  _ what  _ are you doing?"

Caranthir was scooping up a large handful of pie filling, which he poured over Curufin's head. 

Curufin spluttered and coughed, sounding rather like a broken-down engine. "Oh, I'll get you for that," he snarled, reaching for the bowl. Then, the door opened.

"Boys," Nerdanel said wearily, "I believe I told you to  _ bake _ the pie, not wear it."

Celegorm shut the door and leaned against it, breathing hard. " _ Whoo.  _ That… was… awesome."

Maedhros sighed. "Yes, but do you have the ducks?"

"Yep. Still need to dress 'em, though."

" _ Dress  _ them?" Maedhros braced himself for the worst. "What's that mean?"

"Get them ready to cook. Take the feathers off, take the head off…"

Maglor looked revolted. "In the  _ house _ ?"

Celegorm nodded. "Yeah, probably. Don't worry, it's easy to get blood off of most things."

Twenty minutes later, the ducks were in the oven, Maedhros was mashing potatoes while trying not to panic, and Maglor was draped over the couch. He'd passed out at the sight of the disemboweled ducks and hit his head on the floor.

"Ehh," said Celegorm. "As long as he doesn't start vomiting or seeing double, he'll be fine."

"You'd better hope so," Maedhros warned. "Otherwise, I  _ will  _ break the 'no murder' rule."

Celegorm gulped. "So noted."

"Alright, where's the vodka?"

"Caranthir Feanorion, there is no way in HELL you're drinking alcohol in this house!" Feanor yelled. "You're underage!"

"LANGUAGE, Feanàro!" Nerdanel hollered back. 

Caranthir sighed. "It's for the pie crust, Dad."

"Oh. Carry on, then."

By some miracle, Nerdanel and Maedhros corralled everyone into their chairs. The questions began almost immediately.

"Why are there ducks? What happened to the turkey?"

"Celegorm, is that  _ blood _ ?"

"What's that stuff in Curvo's hair?"

"What happened to Maglor?"

"Why are there two pies?"

Nerdanel eyed her son suspiciously. "Maglor, honey, there's only one pie."

"Oh, right," said Maglor, and face-planted into the mashed potatoes.

"Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!" Maedhros' smile was a bit strained. "I'm thankful… um… I'm thankful for you guys. And I'm definitely thankful that this is better than  _ last _ year."

  
  



End file.
